fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize