Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
