And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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