I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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