he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
