I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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