I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
