I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
