So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
