i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
