All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My vagina is officially offended.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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