i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
