NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
