What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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