Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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