I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
