we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
