I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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