If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
