would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
