i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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