I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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