His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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