Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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