mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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