Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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