I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
