my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
