Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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