I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
