they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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