he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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