Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
