I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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