I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
