I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
