I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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