I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
