You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
