Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
