Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
