Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
