her vagine was all disorganized.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
