She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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