Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
