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Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
