Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
bring money and cleavage
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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