I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
