Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
