How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Randomize
