Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
