My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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