Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
