Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
