we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
