i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
