Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i came on her dog
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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