some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
did i walk over a car last night?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize