Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize