the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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