What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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