you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
