so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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