insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
