Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
