There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
