I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
