I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
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But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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