Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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